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Topic: The Vida Thread (Read 858 times)

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The Vida Thread
« Thread Started on Mar 7, 2007, 1:46pm »

Guns don't kill people. Nemanja Vidic kills People.

Nemanja Vidic does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Nemanja Vidic is Pain.

Nemanja Vidic doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Nemanja Vidic could use to kill you - including the room itself.

Nemanja Vidic once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

There are no races, only countries of people Nemanja Vidic has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Nemanja Vidic has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Nemanja Vidic, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Nemanja Vidic grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Nemanja Vidic once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink.

Nemanja Vidic played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

In a 50-50 challenge, Nemanja Vidic would win 150-nil.

Nemanja Vidic does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Nemanja Vidic recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Nemanja Vidic puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Nemanja Vidic once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

Nemanja Vidic hates The Beatles; two to go.

Nemanja Vidic crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives.

Nemanja Vidic beat the hair off Chuck Norris' chest.

Nemanja Vidic died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him

Nemanja Vidic once turned up for training late - Fergie fined the rest of the team for being early.

Nemanja Vidic doesn't head the ball away, the ball heads the other way.

Wes Brown isn't injured - Nemanja Vidic mistook him for a jaffa cake

You have God, Satan, and...Nemanja Vidic.

Nemanja Vidic once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.

Nemanja Vidic can slam revolving doors.

Nemanja Vidic gave cats nine lives so he could kill them more.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Nemanja Vidic.

When Nemanja Vidic answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.

When Nemanja Vidic goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Nemanja Vidic.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Nemanja Vidic.

Nemanja Vidic counted to infinity - twice.

Nemanja Vidic invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When Nemanja Vidic does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Nemanja Vidic hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Nemanja Vidic gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Nemanja Vidic can slam a revolving door.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Nemanja Vidic can piss his name Into concrete.

Nemanja Vidic once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Nemanja Vidic's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Nemanja Vidic.

Nemanja Vidic can speak Braille.

Superman owns a pair of Nemanja Vidic pyjamas.

Nemanja Vidic owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the
1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Nemanja Vidic sleeps with a night light. Not because Nemanja Vidic is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Nemanja Vidic.

Nemanja Vidic doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Once a cobra bit Nemanja Vidic's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Nemanja Vidic divides by zero.

Nemanja Vidic is always on top during sex because Nemanja Vidic never fucks up.

Nemanja Vidic doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Nemanja Vidic sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled footballing ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Nemanja nutted the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Nemanja Vidic can kill two stones with one bird.

Nemanja Vidic once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.

Nemanja Vidic once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "shitting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.

The only time Nemanja Vidic was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

After a mornings training Nemanja Vidic returns to his day job of holding up the sky.