Post by onenedkelly on Jun 26, 2006 9:43:26 GMT
Proud to be English
Being English is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American Shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most English thing of all?..? Suspicion of anything foreign.
Oh and.....
Only inEngland... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in England... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in England... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in England... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in England... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in England... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call
from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in England... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION...
3 Englishmen die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Englishmen were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Englishmen are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Englishmen have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Englishmen have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
English Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling> accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Englishmen had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Englishmen were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Englishmen were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control Scalextric cars.
AND FINALLY.........
In 2000 eight Englishmen cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
Being English is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American Shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most English thing of all?..? Suspicion of anything foreign.
Oh and.....
Only inEngland... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in England... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in England... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in England... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in England... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in England... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call
from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in England... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION...
3 Englishmen die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Englishmen were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Englishmen are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Englishmen have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Englishmen have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
English Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling> accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Englishmen had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Englishmen were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Englishmen were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control Scalextric cars.
AND FINALLY.........
In 2000 eight Englishmen cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.