peejay80
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Post by peejay80 on Feb 20, 2010 5:56:57 GMT
My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed." I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
;D
ADD MORE!
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peejay80
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Post by peejay80 on Feb 20, 2010 5:57:38 GMT
can a mod change that title? dunno how it ended up like that?
Jimmy carr, king of the one liners will do. ta
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Post by Rais.n.Hell on Feb 20, 2010 7:36:40 GMT
Nice ones mate!
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Post by Chris on Feb 20, 2010 9:28:57 GMT
I don't find him that funny. Well, on tv anyway. Apparently his live shows are brilliant. I prefer Jason Manford and Lee mack though. They are my favourites at the moment.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2010 11:10:02 GMT
I always find that any comedian relying on one liners gets a bit tiresome after a while. The lines themselves are fine in isolation but a whole show of them starts to grate.
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Post by 20Times on Feb 20, 2010 16:33:38 GMT
Favorite Jimmy Carr moment was when he said "I sent my dad a text saying i'm in the bath thinking of you" and he responded "You better sort your fucking life out son!" Jason Manford is class as well Chris, but i find Lee Mack tries to hard sometimes.
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peejay80
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Post by peejay80 on Feb 20, 2010 18:10:11 GMT
I don't find him that funny. Well, on tv anyway. Apparently his live shows are brilliant. I prefer Jason Manford and Lee mack though. They are my favourites at the moment. ah im a sucker for a good one liner. went to see Jimmy last year, laughed hard for 2 hours. |
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Post by Bestie on Feb 21, 2010 21:12:20 GMT
Saw Jimmy Carr live in Newcastle City Hall, he was brilliant. Was nearly in tears at parts.
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farredranger
United Youth Teamer
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Post by farredranger on Feb 21, 2010 21:52:09 GMT
How many scousers does it take to change a lightbulb?
20,000. One to change it and the other 19,999 to blame anyone else for it's passing.
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Post by kinggiggs on Feb 22, 2010 0:05:58 GMT
Jimmy Carr is so funny. I dont know how he comes up with so many one liners.
Live its relentless bam bam bam bam one after the other, you dont have time to stop laughing before ur doubled up again. Very tiring lol
I understand that its not some peoples cup of tea but its right up my street.
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peejay80
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Post by peejay80 on Feb 26, 2010 21:50:27 GMT
When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.
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Post by kinggiggs on Feb 26, 2010 23:33:57 GMT
There was an AMerican on Mock the Week a while ago who had the same one liner style to Jimmy Carr. Cant remember his name but he was good. Anyone see it and know who he is?
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Post by keano16 on Feb 27, 2010 10:51:59 GMT
^^ Stewart Francis, I think.  I used to have a tape cassette of Jasper Carrott. He reads out the claim form statements for car accident insurance.... "Driving home from work, I drove straight into a bus. The bus was five minutes early." "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." "The pedestrian had absolutely no idea which way to run, so...I ran over him." ;D |
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peejay80
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Post by peejay80 on Feb 27, 2010 19:28:37 GMT
^^ Stewart Francis, I think. I used to have a tape cassette of Jasper Carrott. He reads out the claim form statements for car accident insurance.... "Driving home from work, I drove straight into a bus. The bus was five minutes early." "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." "The pedestrian had absolutely no idea which way to run, so...I ran over him." ;D remember this from TV. jasper carrot has dated by today's standards but that was extremely funny, the way he delivered it in that australian accent was hilarious. rememebr pissing myself laughing at it. i remember it slightly differently. "the pedestrian was all over the road and didnt know where the bloody hell he was going, so i ran him over" HA HA HA EDIT: look what ive found, you were right.  |
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