mental health, problems, routines, solutions etc
Jul 29, 2019 16:21:08 GMT
JamBritRed, Monty, and 2 more like this
Post by RAZ on Jul 29, 2019 16:21:08 GMT
dear RoM brothers & sisters,
i decided to create this thread because judging from my time here and reading many comments it seems that quite a few of us have been or are still struggling with depressions, anxiety and other problems of that kind. i sometimes post myself about how i feel and thought it might be helpful to have our own thread for that. so that people can share their experiences, what they went through, how they got out of it, what routines helped them to overcome a different period of time, the on going struggle and battle, ideas and so on. i dont think this helps anyone to be honest but who knows, it might deliver some hopes at times or ideas of what to change etc.
i have been struggling with depressions and moments of pure euphoria all my life. balancing between sadness and retreat and having brilliant, creative ideas. december last year i arrived at my deepest low so far in my life, with a brutal depression taking over that i still battle now. have been at home for more than 8 months now, lost my job, struggling to bring enough food on my table at the end of the month and my almost 7 year relationship being a complete shambles. i started therapy and testing medicine. after a couple of changes i finally found two brilliant therapists who took charge of me, both the highest doctors at the clinic and i love the sessions with them. went through a shit ton of medicine that made it only worse but at the moment the shit i`m taking is decent enough. only problem is that it seems that i might be one of the around 30% of patients that are immune to antidepressants. i got diagnosed a couple of months ago with ADHD (which doesnt surprise me at all), bipolarity and allegedly slight (whatever that means) symptoms of borderline and autism. my whole life has been a tough rollercoaster ride, living in 4 different countries, touring the world with my bands, fucking up relationships, getting sick, alcohol, drug abuse, problems with cops, working in about 30 different jobs and stoping things i started in those moments when it actually got moving forward and started to look good.
between april and june i had a pretty good period, it coincided with the moment i started taking ritalin together with the antidepressant. i started working on this book idea i`ve had for the last 10 years, started a new music project after being abscent for almost 4 years. invested all my energy into it for around 2 months, couldnt stop writing and was working on those ideas around 18 hours a day. i also stopped drinking and smoking stuff for that period and i was feeling brilliant.
some personal problems and the fear of existence changed everything again at the beginning of this month. not knowing if my relationship still has a future, meeting a girl that kind of twisted my head, being insecure about the working and financial future and so on. i started drinking heavily again. last friday i poured down a whole bottle of whisky until i finally fell asleep. next day a friend of mine visited me and we had 3 bottles of wine together, after he left i had another 2 by myself. i certainly know that it doesnt help and it makes everything even harder. but it just feels as if it at least numbs the pain and my brain that is working at full speed, processing hundreds of different topics in a short amount of time. even now, i just opened another bottle of whisky, tried to stay away from drinking today but i just couldnt handle my brain anymore.
i know a lot about copying strategies and how to work on your own, as i have been working myself in that domain for many, many years, helping other people. but its really fucked up if you yourself get to that point, you actually know what you should do but you dont have the mental strength to really do it. anyway, i`m not gonna give up yet and i hope that one day i`ll be able to handle the difficulties of being bipolar better and live a happier life, finally being able to use my talents and knowledge to the fullest extent.
i decided to create this thread because judging from my time here and reading many comments it seems that quite a few of us have been or are still struggling with depressions, anxiety and other problems of that kind. i sometimes post myself about how i feel and thought it might be helpful to have our own thread for that. so that people can share their experiences, what they went through, how they got out of it, what routines helped them to overcome a different period of time, the on going struggle and battle, ideas and so on. i dont think this helps anyone to be honest but who knows, it might deliver some hopes at times or ideas of what to change etc.
i have been struggling with depressions and moments of pure euphoria all my life. balancing between sadness and retreat and having brilliant, creative ideas. december last year i arrived at my deepest low so far in my life, with a brutal depression taking over that i still battle now. have been at home for more than 8 months now, lost my job, struggling to bring enough food on my table at the end of the month and my almost 7 year relationship being a complete shambles. i started therapy and testing medicine. after a couple of changes i finally found two brilliant therapists who took charge of me, both the highest doctors at the clinic and i love the sessions with them. went through a shit ton of medicine that made it only worse but at the moment the shit i`m taking is decent enough. only problem is that it seems that i might be one of the around 30% of patients that are immune to antidepressants. i got diagnosed a couple of months ago with ADHD (which doesnt surprise me at all), bipolarity and allegedly slight (whatever that means) symptoms of borderline and autism. my whole life has been a tough rollercoaster ride, living in 4 different countries, touring the world with my bands, fucking up relationships, getting sick, alcohol, drug abuse, problems with cops, working in about 30 different jobs and stoping things i started in those moments when it actually got moving forward and started to look good.
between april and june i had a pretty good period, it coincided with the moment i started taking ritalin together with the antidepressant. i started working on this book idea i`ve had for the last 10 years, started a new music project after being abscent for almost 4 years. invested all my energy into it for around 2 months, couldnt stop writing and was working on those ideas around 18 hours a day. i also stopped drinking and smoking stuff for that period and i was feeling brilliant.
some personal problems and the fear of existence changed everything again at the beginning of this month. not knowing if my relationship still has a future, meeting a girl that kind of twisted my head, being insecure about the working and financial future and so on. i started drinking heavily again. last friday i poured down a whole bottle of whisky until i finally fell asleep. next day a friend of mine visited me and we had 3 bottles of wine together, after he left i had another 2 by myself. i certainly know that it doesnt help and it makes everything even harder. but it just feels as if it at least numbs the pain and my brain that is working at full speed, processing hundreds of different topics in a short amount of time. even now, i just opened another bottle of whisky, tried to stay away from drinking today but i just couldnt handle my brain anymore.
i know a lot about copying strategies and how to work on your own, as i have been working myself in that domain for many, many years, helping other people. but its really fucked up if you yourself get to that point, you actually know what you should do but you dont have the mental strength to really do it. anyway, i`m not gonna give up yet and i hope that one day i`ll be able to handle the difficulties of being bipolar better and live a happier life, finally being able to use my talents and knowledge to the fullest extent.