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Post by moxdevil on Oct 16, 2006 13:48:57 GMT
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Post by Stew on Oct 16, 2006 14:26:01 GMT
An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot." The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that." So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!" The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?" So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends. When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman and says, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!" And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."
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Post by moxdevil on Oct 16, 2006 14:31:45 GMT
lol
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"
Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me." He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"
Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, cheers!"
They downed their drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth." The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more o' this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin 'me!"
Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub!!!!!
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Post by Stew on Oct 16, 2006 14:36:32 GMT
It's much easier to dig up Irish jokes! English ones are far harder to find. Sure who'd want to make fun of the English....
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Post by moxdevil on Oct 16, 2006 14:38:26 GMT
It's much easier to dig up Irish jokes! English ones are far harder to find. Sure who'd want to make fun of the English.... Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England. The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out." The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
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Post by Stew on Oct 16, 2006 14:45:57 GMT
;D Very good!! Kind of reminds me of an old folk tune:
SEA AROUND US, THE
They say that the lakes of Killarney are fair That no stream like the Liffey can ever compare If it's water you want, you'll find nothing more rare Than the stuff they make down by the ocean
Chorus: The sea, oh the sea is the gradh geal mo croide Long may it stay between England and me It's a sure guarantee that some hour we'll be free Oh, thank God we're surrounded by water
Tom Moore made his "Waters" meet fame and reknown A great lover of anything dressed in a crown In brandy the bandy old Saxon he'd drown But throw ne'er a one in the ocean
The Scots have their Whisky, the Welch have their speech And their poets are paid about tenpence a week Provided no hard words on England they speak Oh Lord, what a price for devotion
The Danes came to Ireland with nothing to do But dream of the plundered old Irish they slew "Yeh will in yer vikings" said Brian Boru And threw them back into the ocean
Chorus: The sea, oh the sea is the gradh geal mo croide Long may it stay between England and me It's a sure guarantee that some hour we'll be free Oh, thank God we're surrounded by water
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Post by 7even on Oct 17, 2006 1:21:17 GMT
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!" Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me." He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky. Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!" Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, cheers!" They downed their drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth." The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free. At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more o' this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin 'me!" Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub!!!!! Lol. ;D
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Post by Carlito's Way on Oct 26, 2006 23:03:16 GMT
Love it
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Post by Busby Boy on Oct 27, 2006 2:24:13 GMT
Breaking News: Thousands of commuters have been found stuck to the walls and floors of London's tube stations, it is believed to have been a terrorist attack by the Irish Taliban who have exploded numerous amounts of "No Nails" Bombs around London. My Irish Uncle told me that over the phone a few weeks ago when he told me I was pissing myself laughing, I don't think it's as funny written.
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Post by Carlito's Way on Oct 28, 2006 0:04:57 GMT
What's happened to the image?
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