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Post by Vidic's Bitch ! on Nov 24, 2006 21:43:18 GMT
A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. "That's terrible!!!" said her husband, "What would you like to do during your last hours ? I'll try to make it as memorable as possible for you."
"Well," she said, "First, I want to take a long romantic walk, then have a quiet dinner at my favorite restaurant and then go to bed with you and make passionate love all night long !"
"Gee, Honey." said her husband, "I don't know about that 'all night long' stuff. After all, I'm gonna have to get up in the morning and you won't"
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Post by Vidic's Bitch ! on Nov 24, 2006 21:47:24 GMT
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
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Post by missunited on Nov 24, 2006 22:52:40 GMT
Lol the second one is absolutely brilliant
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Post by Rais.n.Hell on Nov 25, 2006 1:39:49 GMT
hahahaa..good one!!!...but isnt it weird that the right words came out...what is he'd said Holy Fuck!...or God Damnit! or something...LOL
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Post by vandersi16 on Nov 25, 2006 12:17:04 GMT
Lol Quality
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Post by JoshReddevilz on Nov 25, 2006 14:02:07 GMT
lol great ones!
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Post by Vidic>Superman on Dec 1, 2006 23:02:57 GMT
very funny!
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