Post by missunited on Nov 29, 2006 19:27:04 GMT
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a
mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my
moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on
his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
****************************
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said,
"This will make you happy tonight".
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom,I squirted it
all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
****************************
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to
make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
****************************
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive
man?
A: A rumour.
****************************
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to
make Love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you've succeeded.
****************************
He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'.
She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing
board while I sit on the sofa and fart'.
****************************
He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery
money that I gave you?'
She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat
bastard'.
****************************
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
****************************
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
****************************
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A:They can't stand criticism.
****************************
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are
sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Becausethose men already have boyfriends.
****************************
Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of
marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.
****************************
Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half
a head?
A: Reload and try again.
mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my
moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on
his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
****************************
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said,
"This will make you happy tonight".
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom,I squirted it
all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
****************************
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to
make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
****************************
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive
man?
A: A rumour.
****************************
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to
make Love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you've succeeded.
****************************
He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'.
She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing
board while I sit on the sofa and fart'.
****************************
He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery
money that I gave you?'
She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat
bastard'.
****************************
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
****************************
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
****************************
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A:They can't stand criticism.
****************************
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are
sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Becausethose men already have boyfriends.
****************************
Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of
marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.
****************************
Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half
a head?
A: Reload and try again.