They're Back! Church Bulletins:

[gavinm2]

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters – mis-spellings, bad sentence construction or choice of words all make for fun reading.

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'

The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.

Bring your husbands.

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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled

due to a conflict..

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Don't let worry kill you off -

let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,'

giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it,

we have a nursery downstairs.

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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:

'Break Forth Into Joy.'

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.

So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'

Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Please place your donation in the envelope,

along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining,

super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -

prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.

They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.

All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.

Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.

The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge -

Up Yours!

[united4lyf]

Hahaha brilliant

[Rob]

Wasn't found on a certain website with jokes by chance...?

[gavinm2]

got sent to me at work today.

Whats the website?

[thesituation]

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.

The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.


That one cracked me up

[NR7]

LMAO !!