Post by Chris on Oct 7, 2010 16:40:38 GMT
Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve
---
A Wilkinson Sword lorry almost crashed into a Gillette truck earlier today....
Both drivers said it was the closest shave they've ever had
---
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left it.
---
So I was in the pub drinking away and this guy barges straight past me knocking my damn drink all over me!
So I said to him, "HEY! You! You're gonna fight me for that."
He says back, "woaaa mate relax, I'm a lover not a fighter."
...
So I snogged him...
Turns out he was a fighter...
---
I went to a fortune teller last week and he told me a lot of money was coming my way.
I walked out really excited, then I got hit by a Securicor van
---
Do you like hot women that scream in bed?
Check out the burns unit at the hospital
---
Major car collision on Spaghetti Junction: 12 injured, 4 pasta way!
---
I got stopped by a woman in the street today.
She said, "Excuse me, sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?"
I said, "Yes, she's nearly 2 now."
--
I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said:
I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it.
They think I'm leaving my name and details.
...Well, I'm not.
---
My girlfriend is like FIFA.
11
---
Tough game for Liverpool tomorrow.
Football.
---
So Cheryl Cole is being accused of being racist!
Just when you think she can't get any more perfect! (ouch)
---
I lost 9 stone over the summer, now I only weigh 12.
My friend asked me what my secret was.
I told him I once raped a 6 year old.
It had nothing to do with the weight loss, but he asked
---
Sky News: eight-year-old girl found dead at a North Wales holiday camp.
North Wales for a holiday? My money's on suicide
---
If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?
---
I could never work in the Jobcentre. Imagine if you got fired! You'd still have to show up the next day...
---
My girlfriend makes me sick. She's started this disgusting habit of picking her nose and eating it when she thinks I'm not looking.
I've told her that if she doesn't stop, I'm going to tell her teachers at Nursery and they'll stop her milk at playtime.
---
Some sick jokes on this website. www.sickipedia.org
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve
---
A Wilkinson Sword lorry almost crashed into a Gillette truck earlier today....
Both drivers said it was the closest shave they've ever had
---
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left it.
---
So I was in the pub drinking away and this guy barges straight past me knocking my damn drink all over me!
So I said to him, "HEY! You! You're gonna fight me for that."
He says back, "woaaa mate relax, I'm a lover not a fighter."
...
So I snogged him...
Turns out he was a fighter...
---
I went to a fortune teller last week and he told me a lot of money was coming my way.
I walked out really excited, then I got hit by a Securicor van
---
Do you like hot women that scream in bed?
Check out the burns unit at the hospital
---
Major car collision on Spaghetti Junction: 12 injured, 4 pasta way!
---
I got stopped by a woman in the street today.
She said, "Excuse me, sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?"
I said, "Yes, she's nearly 2 now."
--
I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said:
I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it.
They think I'm leaving my name and details.
...Well, I'm not.
---
My girlfriend is like FIFA.
11
---
Tough game for Liverpool tomorrow.
Football.
---
So Cheryl Cole is being accused of being racist!
Just when you think she can't get any more perfect! (ouch)
---
I lost 9 stone over the summer, now I only weigh 12.
My friend asked me what my secret was.
I told him I once raped a 6 year old.
It had nothing to do with the weight loss, but he asked
---
Sky News: eight-year-old girl found dead at a North Wales holiday camp.
North Wales for a holiday? My money's on suicide
---
If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?
---
I could never work in the Jobcentre. Imagine if you got fired! You'd still have to show up the next day...
---
My girlfriend makes me sick. She's started this disgusting habit of picking her nose and eating it when she thinks I'm not looking.
I've told her that if she doesn't stop, I'm going to tell her teachers at Nursery and they'll stop her milk at playtime.
---
Some sick jokes on this website. www.sickipedia.org