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Post by Carlito's Way on Dec 15, 2006 19:13:51 GMT
CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE MENTALLY DISTURBED 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire Sounds like the Sunderland Christmas Party.
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Post by redom on Dec 15, 2006 22:25:10 GMT
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
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Post by moxdevil on Dec 17, 2006 18:40:03 GMT
Joe met Suzi in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Suzi invited Joe to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Suzi began tenderly stroking Joe's manhood.
Surprised but appreciative, Joe comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more? Suzi replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine."
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Post by redom on Dec 17, 2006 19:12:35 GMT
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Post by missunited on Dec 17, 2006 19:20:39 GMT
Lol
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Post by Rais.n.Hell on Dec 19, 2006 21:28:11 GMT
Old, but still worth a chuckle!
--
A Professor at a University was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing
4. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's Competition eating into your market share
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets.
--
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Post by missunited on Jan 3, 2007 19:24:18 GMT
2 walls
one says to the other 'ill meet you in the corner'
crowey
...
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Post by DriftingRedDevil on Jan 5, 2007 0:15:42 GMT
2 walls one says to the other 'ill meet you in the corner' crowey... Very simple but got a chuckle out of me
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Post by Vidic>Superman on Jan 5, 2007 19:42:35 GMT
Old, but still worth a chuckle! -- A Professor at a University was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:- 1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing 2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising 3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing 4. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations 5. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition 6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback 7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap 8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's Competition eating into your market share 9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets. -- :DVery good
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Post by moxdevil on Jan 9, 2007 12:11:27 GMT
Bob can't get an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery.
Bob asks what the surgery is and the doctor tells him. They take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. Bob says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he says ok.
The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later he gives Bob the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". Bob takes his wife out to dinner. While at dinner Bob starts feeling incredible pressure in his pants. It gets unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs an apple from the fruit basket, and disappears back into his pants. His wife sits in shock for a few moments, and then gets a sly look on her face. She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful look on his face, Bob says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another apple up my ass."
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Post by missunited on Jan 9, 2007 13:55:53 GMT
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Post by Rais.n.Hell on Jan 9, 2007 20:23:17 GMT
Hahhahaahahahaha!!! niceee
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Post by DriftingRedDevil on Jan 9, 2007 21:01:08 GMT
Damn son.
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Post by moxdevil on Jan 10, 2007 20:17:29 GMT
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just shot his first ever hole-in-one when his mobile rang.
It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.
He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant... Then he remembered his wife.
Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round didn't you!?!!
"I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past Four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last!" "For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.
The doctor snickered and said, "Just Fucking with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
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Post by DriftingRedDevil on Jan 10, 2007 20:48:46 GMT
That would be the meanest thing ever to happen to anyone... But it's still funny. 900th #banana#
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