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Post by jimbonda on Dec 5, 2011 18:31:42 GMT
i can't agree or disagree with everyone talking about using dating sites. it's up to you but i personally wouldn't use them.
don't wanna get too deep but i'm a believer in that you attract people into your orbit who reflect what's going on in you and your own head. if you go out searching out someone in any state of desperation you're likely to end up with some insecure needy girl.
IMO your health issues whatever they are should be priority number one, not getting your leg over at this point. getting your body and mind right will put everything else into better perspective,
next up tackle the job thing, start looking at what u wanna do in the short mid and long term, write up some goals, maybe start investing in yourself with some books, courses, etc.
once you get 'you' right the girls will be all over you. i personally am having a tough time in that i can't get ex girlfriends out of my head even after a year or two of splitting up and even when i know they weren't right for me. i'm no psychologist but i reckon me mam and dad splitting up when i was a nipper has left me with some issues. i can't change the past but i can see my relationship problems as a symptom of what's wrong with me. i'm dealing with the anxieties and depressions it gives me by going back to basics and trying to get myself fit as a finely tuned athelete. i'm looking at everything from bad sleep habbits, crap diet, negativity i allow to fester in my mind. it all affects the way you think.
point i'm trying to make is don't go for the throat of these surface problems which is basically what they are. sit down and think about the root of it all, start looking inward.
a great line is from the bagahavad gita - "lift the self by the self, cos the self is the selfs only friend, the self is the selfs only enemy" - love that shit. it means that the responsibility is your own
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Post by moxdevil on Dec 5, 2011 20:01:39 GMT
Dating sites are pretty good for building up confidence. Eldest brother and my best mate both have partners they met through a dating site.
Can only agree with what this wise lot have already suggested. Definitely agree with what jimbonda says above about health.
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Post by tommyred on Dec 5, 2011 21:54:01 GMT
To answer a few questions:
Job/Career - Don't really have any career goals, when you've been unemployed so long you just want to concentrate on now. As long as I have a job I'm fine. As you may have gathered I'm more the type to focus on my personal life rather than my career. I just see a job as a means to an end.
Health - Don't really want to go into it but it makes me feel uncomfortable a lot and hurts my confidence because I don't feel I can be myself, as I'm always focusing on it. I'm trying to ignore it more though. It's nothing something I can just decide to "sort out", it's a long term thing. Nothing "serious", but definitely something which affects your day to day life and social life especially.
Interests - Unfortunately my interests don't lend themselves to conversations with girls. Football, metal music, pro wrestling... not really girl things by any means. Quite the opposite.
Cheers for the responses guys, I'll comment further tomorrow.
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Post by Tatty on Dec 6, 2011 8:15:50 GMT
Further to my original post:
Don't go and shag the first girl who gives you any sort of attention. I nearly did this and I'm so glad I didn't. Make sure you're right mentally before throwing yourself into anything, any girl worth keeping will understand and will help you through any anxieties.
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Post by mltezr on Dec 6, 2011 11:12:33 GMT
maybe try a group thing first.
get some mates together with their partners and have something at someones house. that way your in an environment you feel comfortable at, being at your mates house, and you are talking to your mates girlfriends, so you wont feel any pressure in picking them up. that way you will learn to talk to girls, and can gradually start talking to girls that arnt taken.
but having a job will definetly help you. you will gain better people skills so that will come over time.
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Post by SAF_Legend on Dec 6, 2011 15:50:37 GMT
Just going to mention what everyone has already mentioned - Tommo, you have great big balls and I admire you for being able to be so frank. Frankly, I think most of my opinions are already mentioned by the other esteemed members here. I found my missus during University, and waited for a good 2 years before being with her (she was dating another guy, so I had to wait). I guess what I'm trying to say is that be very patient and to be honest, it will be difficult - finding true love always is!
I guess you can try a couple of things to meet girls outside your common pub / club which isn't always ideal (personally anyway) - Library, Volunteering services, Social clubs, at your Job... anywhere to be honest! - for example, if you see a girl that you think you like, say... working at a Starbucks cafe - pluck up some courage and talk to her. If it's busy, you can always come back another day.
When talking to girls, just be yourself... and always be a gentleman. Introduce yourself and ask her for her name... ask her how she is, what she does, what she likes. Whatever you do, pay attention to her. Talk about your interests and your passion in life - things that really matter to you. You know the discussions you find in this forum? Like racism, government politics, funny jokes, weather, etc. - you can use them as a conversation fodder. Just talk about anything and everything. See which ones she will be interested in and let the steam train roll.
Really wish you good luck nonetheless!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2011 21:40:14 GMT
maybe try a group thing first.
get some mates together with their partners and have something at someones house. that way your in an environment you feel comfortable at, being at your mates house, and you are talking to your mates girlfriends, so you wont feel any pressure in picking them up. that way you will learn to talk to girls, and can gradually start talking to girls that arnt taken. but having a job will definetly help you. you will gain better people skills so that will come over time. Now that would be a way and a half to lose your virginity! Full on Roman orgy style! |
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Post by mltezr on Dec 6, 2011 22:18:06 GMT
maybe try a group thing first.
get some mates together with their partners and have something at someones house. that way your in an environment you feel comfortable at, being at your mates house, and you are talking to your mates girlfriends, so you wont feel any pressure in picking them up. that way you will learn to talk to girls, and can gradually start talking to girls that arnt taken. but having a job will definetly help you. you will gain better people skills so that will come over time. Now that would be a way and a half to lose your virginity! Full on Roman orgy style! hahah yeah when i re read it i was thinking the same hahahah. but nah i meant have like a meet up, an innocent meet up |
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Post by Tatty on Apr 4, 2012 10:07:32 GMT
How'd this go?
You still V-Plated or have you thrown off the shackles of awkwardness around the fairer sex?
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Post by jimbonda on Apr 4, 2012 20:28:34 GMT
i reckon tommo has skipped the plane home and is shacked up in miami still  |
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Post by johnboy14 on Apr 4, 2012 21:22:23 GMT
This might sound simple but the chances are your mates with girlfriends have mates and they have mates. If you hang around and talk to them on nights out then you will get noticed by other girls. I had a similar issue but during my studies i started eating lunch and hanging around with them just as much as my mates and within 2 months I was in a relationship with a girl who knew these girls. Don't set your standards ridiculously high and go for women who resemble porn stars because your chances are slim.
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Post by Tatty on Apr 5, 2012 9:05:13 GMT
i reckon tommo has skipped the plane home and is shacked up in miami still Living the life with a harem of Eve, The Bellas, Rosa Mendes, Kaitlyn and AJ... |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2012 19:43:27 GMT
i reckon tommo has skipped the plane home and is shacked up in miami still
Living the life with a harem of Eve, The Bellas, Rosa Mendes, Kaitlyn and AJ... Hmm if this part is true I might become a born again V plater  |
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Post by tommyred on Jun 9, 2012 21:21:42 GMT
I'm actually trying the dating site thing now but it doesn't seem like a good thing for a guy like me.
I mean when you message tons of girls you know are single and looking for a relationship, put a lot of thought into the messages, try to choose girls with similar interests etc, and none of them reply, it isn't good for my already fragile confidence.
I'd be interested in knowing how the lads who have tried dating sites here found it, especially Chris who found a girl that way.
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Post by Tatty on Jun 9, 2012 21:51:05 GMT
Dating sites are piss funny, plus it's an easy way to talk to girls without having to do all the stupid eye contact stuff.
Just keeping messaging away. It's like anything, the more you put yourself out there, the more likely someone is to take a chance on you. You seem like a really legit, stand-up guy, who for whatever reason, has low self-esteem. So you need to do something about that as well.
PS: GET BACK IN THE WRESTLING THREAD, YOU MAGGOT!!!
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