Advice

[Daz]

Cheers Bestie mate, I appreciate the help and advice, and I feel sorry for you predicament also =/. I know time will help, but right in the cell of it right now, it's hard to accept. However, I still feel no emotion, I just want to talk about it, if you understand?

Again I wouldn't normally seek out and confide with others but I dunno, this got to me. I'm not sure if it's my pride or whatever, but it angers me. It's not right. I've not spoke to her since, I don't plan on.
However, I'm very grateful guys, the bro help has made me feel better. Your help has been unparalleled thank you!

[SAF_Legend]

Coming a bit late, but you might want to ask her out to have a chat. Ask for a cooling down period and ask not to make hasty decisions, and ask for an honest dialogue. If it's regarding money, ask her again if that is the choice she'd rather take - money over love, i.e. you.

Relationships suffer sometimes due to the lack of frank communication - so at least make sure that this is not one of the reason that your relationship dies or suffers. Her family should not be making decisions for her or your relationship - she should, both of you should.

Also, if you decide to, before you go and have a meet up with her, you have to be prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt if she decides to explain, i.e. not thinking that you've done everything for her, and perhaps she too has shown a great deal of care for you... as well as probably accepting the reason why she decides to leave the relationship.

Of course, I'm giving my 2cents assuming that you do love her, and wish that the relationship could continue. "Love" doesn't just disappear over a week or two of holidays, after 3 years. Best to try to salvage the relationship if you do love her, to see if she has anything left in the tank, and how to improve the relationship... if it can't be saved, then at least you won't have the "what if's", and know the real reason for the relationship to end.

I really hope all the best for you mate. Hope you won't get too bogged down by this!

[Jayrannasaurus]

Mate, the way I see these things:

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

The person you're supposed to be with wouldn't do such a thing to you, perhaps in a way this opens a door for you that allows you to actually meet that specific person in due time.

The significance of that connection with your girlfriend is significantly diminished when the feelings aren't reciprocated anymore. First things first man, take all your stuff that reminds you of her and pack it away, far away. As Bestie said, whether we're guys or not, this shit hurts more than we'd ever like to admit. Take it onboard and, even if you aren't able to get her to speak to you in a while to let you know exactly what her reasoning was, take what you need out of this experience, ie. be weary and careful about handing out your trust in future.

Also, a quick question: Did you see yourself marrying this girl? If you're not sure then don't worry. You're 22 mate, I've had 2 longer term relationships, one bordering 2 years, and I'm 23. It's hard as hell but you'll come out much, much better off.

Keep strong man.

[jimbonda]

Daz - two rules i've learned

1 - don't try and get inside her head too much and figure her logic. girls can be hard as nails but also irrational. her logic may make no sense so don't waste your time on it

2 - break ups also mean new opportunities, switch your focus over to yourself get stuck into something, go on a health kick or anything that takes up your time and energy. go at it like a man possessed, eat sleep and breathe it!

Aug 12, 2012 22:09:34 GMT Stew said:

If you go out with someone for 3 years and don't even get the courtesy of a face to face meeting to split up then you are better off out of that my son. Trust me, you'll look back on it in a few years and realise you've dodged a bullet.

stew you are bang on here mate. my last gf who i'd been with for 2 1/2 - 3 years and had been mates with for a couple of years before that ended things with a TEXT. my stepmum got a soppy letter from her but i got a TEXT. there's something wrong there so yeah it's def a bullet dodged. that doesn't happen in a healthy relationship.

[jimbonda]

Aug 12, 2012 23:25:07 GMT Bestie said:

I miss the girl who could have been my complete soulmate every single day, and we didn't even break up really. Just I live here and she's from America and lives on the West Coast so it couldn't happen.

wow i've got a similar story, was going out to see a chick i met in NC for a couple of years or so and yeah part of me misses her still 8 or so years later cos i loved her to bits. stay in touch over emails and stuff, she's a really great girl. lots of bad memories though cos i was a stupid kid and my head was all over the place. live and learn

[traffordbrown]

Women are both the best thing and the absolute worst thing in the whole world.

[Deleted]

it may well be hard right now but it will get better and then you'll realise your better off without.

[Tatty]

Give her the finger, Stone Cold Stun her, talk some trash whilst she's laid out, then have a few Steveweisers.

[traffordbrown]

Aug 13, 2012 12:07:18 GMT Tatty said:

Give her the finger, Stone Cold Stun her, talk some trash whilst she's laid out, then have a few Steveweisers.

Whilst I can't agree with any violence towards a lady, that is a hilarious image.

[Daz]

Haha, some really good advice here, again, I can't tell you how much it means, and it helps to know people have been through it too and came out the end better.
I gave in before and spoke to her, she's being cold and calm, which is polar opposite to how she deals with any situation, she's very emotional. The calmness is pissing me off, it's like I'm not worth her time kind of thing. It's the whole money thing, she experiences the lavish lifestyle from her parents, and think that's how she should be living every day. Her even thinking this pisses me off, smacks of spoilt behaviour.

The working out thing is a good idea, I'm gonna nail it more now definitely. I just have this weird feeling though, like I have no idea what to do with myself. I'll sit down one place or go out, but then feel trapped kind of thing? I'm gonna move into my flat at uni for a bit and have some alone time, but at the same time, I don't want to get there and feel I really don't wanna be here. If it is over, I just want to fast forward a month so I'm over and can laugh at myself.

[Tatty]

In serious advice mode now:

Delete her number from your phone. Delete her off Facebook/Twitter/MySpace/Friendster/MSN. Completely shut her out. Make her make the first move. From what you've said there appears to be more to the story, and sometimes it's best to just never find out.

You seem like a top lad, get on with your Uni work, chill with some mates, enjoy the upcoming season and sow your wild oats whenever the opportunity/desire requires it. Then no dount news of your new, possibly awesome life, gets to her she's all apologetic, and you get back together if that's what you want.

[jimbonda]

Aug 13, 2012 15:00:26 GMT Daz said:

I gave in before and spoke to her, she's being cold and calm, which is polar opposite to how she deals with any situation, she's very emotional. The calmness is pissing me off, it's like I'm not worth her time kind of thing. It's the whole money thing, she experiences the lavish lifestyle from her parents, and think that's how she should be living every day. Her even thinking this pisses me off, smacks of spoilt behaviour.

trust me mate...don't go here! don't try to look for logic where there may be none. she's probably irrational.

write it down if you need to get it out of your head. work out on paper why it appears to make no sense. possibly even send it to her as long as there's no ranting or mushy stuff. then close all lines of communication like bojangles said and go and hit a few rounds on the punch bag!

[SAF_Legend]

If both of your values are different, and you don't see her as a potential wife, then I would suggest moving on like what the other guys have opinionated. Best thing now is to secure that 1st class degree, and get a job of your stature (or further your study if you so desire).

Something to take note is that I suggest trying to talk it out as that is always the best solution in a relationship to clear out any misunderstandings: FOR EXAMPLE:- What you may perceive as spoilt, might be perceived as responsibility in her eyes (as some will tell you that when they look for a man who has a good job / car... they want a man who is able to take care of himself and his partner, or work hard enough to ensure a decent life).

...Unfortunately, this won't be applicable if there is nothing left to salvage / if both of you have unresolvable different values in life / if either does not want to find a solution. OR, if, in this case, she does not want to be rational or discuss about it.

Last but not least... if you have set your mind to do something - just do it, and see it through. I honestly wish all the best for you and your future ventures in relationships!

All the best mate!!

[Daz]

Tatty, Jim and Alantas and the rest.. thanks! Some genuinely helpful advice there. I'm gonna chill in my flat for a period, get some alone time and hit the workout routine. I think I hate the fact that I'm not the one in control or calling the shots on how this plays out. I'm hoping just general sex in freshers will help me move on, just right now as stupid as it sounds I don't think I want that, I just want her kind of thing. I'm sure I will though.

When I originally posted this I was at my lowest ebb I think, and pretty mashed on Jack, and I genuinely didn't think it'd be of much help. But the bro advice has really helped me, and I can't thank you enough for the input. I'll keep you updated and I'm sure I'll be on here 24/7 when I'm in my flat!

[king nothing]

Daz it WILL get easier mate,this is just part of life and growing up. We have all been there, looking to find fault in something you may have done, but it's best to just try and get on with your life.Grab a few mates and have a few beers tell em how your feeling.Then get the 99 dvd out and watch Teddy and Ole, always cheers me up.