Advice

[jimbonda]

also it sounds like the bit you are finding the most painful is how callous she seems to be. yes, i'm sure we've all experienced it first hand or seen it when mates have split with their misses or whatever. yep, despite contrary stereotypes, i've seen more guys go to pieces while the girl becomes very hard nosed, cold and clinical. it can seem like they've turned on a six pence, it's horrible when it happens and any way you try and soften her or try and get through will fall on deaf ears. do yourself a favour and don't bother. the opportunity might present itself in the future to reconcile but not if you get on her case now. nows the time to cut the comms and focus on getting your shit together. when she learns in the future that you've only gone and bettered yourself and not climbed in a broom cupboard and given up on life [and trust me she will find out how well your doing, even if you have cut communications with her, blocked her from FB etc.] it will send a loud message her way. don't bank on it making her want to try again because she might ignore that urge, but the point is that you'll be in such a better place you won't want her back anyway.

[Jayrannasaurus]

With you there jim, you might feel like you need to make some sort of effort to reconcile things for fear of her thinking you didn't care enough - don't do it bud, keep yourself from doing anything like that.

[traffordbrown]

^^^ Hehehe.

[Tatty]

Just re-reading this thread.

Whilst there's a lot of good advice and sound lads here. There's also a lot of misogyny, which definitely isn't cool.

Yes some women can be cold and distant, but there's plenty out there who have the same worries as all us men. Not all of them are mental and out the rip the heart out of the first guy they see.

[Deleted]

Yeah I'm in a much better place now thanks mate, happy with my life and how everything has worked out.

Nothing wrong at all with getting depressed when it hits you. Same thing happened to me, the first few days are easier, you take a more "macho" image and think Fuck her. But after those first fews days pass you suddenly start yearning to see her again, or speak with her. The weekend comes and you start doing your own head in thinking about her being on the town as a newly single girl.

Everyone deals with it their own way, but the effect is the same for everyone of us. It fucking hurts. Doesn't matter if you act the hard, who cares, man. Or breakdown and cry. Or get hammered and try to shag anything moving. It's like what Marsellus said to Butch "you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps."

Birds have greater support, that's why they get over shit quicker, I think. Blokes can't, you can't be one of the lads, whilst crying over a lass. You have to shrug your shoulders, say "Fuck her" and hit the beer. I know my mates would have been supportive had I confided in them, but no one wants to do that, do we?

As others have already said, it sounds such an old cliché, but things really do get better, though eventually you have to make them better yourself. I realised that when I was sat in my house wondering what the fuck I was doing. Why I couldn't even look at birds never mind approach them and chat them up, why my life was now just about going to work and getting blind drunk. It's another cliché to say you need to sit down and have a word with yourself, but that is literally what I did. Sat with a few cans of Fosters and talked to myself. Told myself to sort my shit out, work out, stop concentrating on just drinking as much as I could at weekends, smile and enjoy myself. And chat to birds, they're just people they ain't gonna bite. My ex's had new blokes and were getting on with their lifes, why should they when I'm sitting depressed in my pants drinking on my own?!

And cutting her out the life is a good idea, in fact it's the only thing you can do mate. If you keep contact you'll never really get over her. She's being real cold herself, it's probably just her way of getting over this as well. Not defending her, but I'd imagine this was a major decision to make after 3 years together and she must be hurting and missing you as well, she wouldn't be fucking human if she wasn't. This is her way of getting over you, make it your way of getting over her. No contact, no facebook or Skype or texts. Do what YOU want to do in life now. We all have something we want to do. Mine was trying travelling, and I did it.
Your's could be anything, anything at all you want. Be it travel, career, job, uni course, new car, whatever. You don't need to factor someone else into the equation, you have your own life and can do anything with it. Enjoy living.

It's like I first said, if you don't see each other for a while, the next time you do bump into each other, make her the one thinking "Bollocks, he looks bloody good. have I really screwed up"

[jimbonda]

Aug 14, 2012 22:42:07 GMT Tatty said:

Just re-reading this thread.

Whilst there's a lot of good advice and sound lads here. There's also a lot of misogyny, which definitely isn't cool.

Yes some women can be cold and distant, but there's plenty out there who have the same worries as all us men. Not all of them are mental and out the rip the heart out of the first guy they see.

i personally wouldn't suggest that all girls are out to hurt or get a kick from hurting. just that iv seen time and time again how hard nosed and cold they can be after a break up, and how it can mess with the guys head. daz seems to be seeing this so he ought to know that it's common and many guys go through it. can be v.painfu

but yeah. there are loads of great girls in the world, i never go along with the women = trouble kind of attitude. although those equations are pretty funny

[Deleted]

Aug 14, 2012 22:42:07 GMT Tatty said:

Just re-reading this thread.

Whilst there's a lot of good advice and sound lads here. There's also a lot of misogyny, which definitely isn't cool.

Yes some women can be cold and distant, but there's plenty out there who have the same worries as all us men. Not all of them are mental and out the rip the heart out of the first guy they see.

Yeah, I'd certainly agree with that too.

It's real easy to go down that path of "All women are bitches" when something like this happens. And as well all know women think "All men are cunts" when it happens to them. But as a Billy Connolly routine went "Women slagging off men. Oh the problem with men is. Fuck off. You don't even fucking know me, how dare you tell me what my problem is!"

That was partly my problem, I found myself thinking all women were slags. They're not. Some are bitches. But must are regular people like the rest of us. We've all seen and heard women crying and slagging blokes off, and I for one feel offended when they lable all blokes as "Something" (cheaters, wife beaters, whatever) No we're bloody not. I'm a simply regular guy.

So yeah, don't become a bird hater, that's just another way one bird will have helped screw you up.

[Bestie]

Aug 14, 2012 22:42:07 GMT Tatty said:

Just re-reading this thread.

Whilst there's a lot of good advice and sound lads here. There's also a lot of misogyny, which definitely isn't cool.

Yes some women can be cold and distant, but there's plenty out there who have the same worries as all us men. Not all of them are mental and out the rip the heart out of the first guy they see.

Sometimes it's just easier to vent about the fairer gender being a universal burden, even when we all know it isn't really true.

I happen to love women. Well, particular women anyway.

[traffordbrown]

I was with a girl for over three years. We went our separate ways - mutual decision.

Before she'd even moved out, I met someone else. I marry that someone else in two weeks and I couldn't be happier.

My point is, ANYTHING can happen at any time. You just never know.

I am a massive believer in things happening for a reason.

[jimbonda]

yeah i agree with that Traff.

[Tatty]

Aug 14, 2012 23:01:36 GMT Bestie said:

Aug 14, 2012 22:42:07 GMT Tatty said:

Just re-reading this thread.

Whilst there's a lot of good advice and sound lads here. There's also a lot of misogyny, which definitely isn't cool.

Yes some women can be cold and distant, but there's plenty out there who have the same worries as all us men. Not all of them are mental and out the rip the heart out of the first guy they see.

Sometimes it's just easier to vent about the fairer gender being a universal burden, even when we all know it isn't really true.

I happen to love women. Well, particular women anyway.

I get people have been hurt, but it's harsh to tar a gender with one brush.

I love women too.

[SAF_Legend]

Aug 14, 2012 23:20:00 GMT Tatty said:

Aug 14, 2012 23:01:36 GMT Bestie said:

Sometimes it's just easier to vent about the fairer gender being a universal burden, even when we all know it isn't really true.

I happen to love women. Well, particular women anyway.

I get people have been hurt, but it's harsh to tar a gender with one brush.

I love women too.

Agreed.

Sometimes we're forgetting the fact that men are also capable of certain douchebaggery-ness that may or may not be worse than what some might have been through here. Think it's more down to the person in particular rather than gender itself.

[Jayrannasaurus]

Lads, we all love women, let's just make that clear.

I've been hurt big time in terms of a lass leaving me and shagging one of my childhood friends. Some are just not sure how to deal with break-ups, hence the differing opinions.

The pic was just that, funny.

[johnboy14]

If you ever meet a women that doesn't make you feel useless or like shit at some point in your life then your just one lucky shit.

[Tatty]

Aug 15, 2012 11:45:18 GMT johnboy14 said:

If you ever meet a women that doesn't make you feel useless or like shit at some point in your life then your just one lucky shit.

Or unlucky, as you've never been in love.

The time when I was at my lowest was when the girl I was/still am in love with moved to Bristol and met her, now husband. We'd been talking about getting together and I was close to moving to Bristol to be close to her, so when I found out within a month of her moving she'd gotten with this dude I was pretty inconsolable. However, I managed to dust myself off, got fully into music and joined a wrestling school, I got over it in about 6 months or so, and now me and her a best friends and I'm the godfather to her baby son.

Things obz get better, it takes time.