Advice

[Kamilo]

Aug 13, 2012 10:50:07 GMT jimbonda said:

Daz - two rules i've learned

1 - don't try and get inside her head too much and figure her logic. girls can be hard as nails but also irrational. her logic may make no sense so don't waste your time on it

2 - break ups also mean new opportunities, switch your focus over to yourself get stuck into something, go on a health kick or anything that takes up your time and energy. go at it like a man possessed, eat sleep and breathe it!

This^

Find myself in similar shoes spent that last year committed to a beautiful girl who has a heart of gold but has been cursed by her good looks which attracted only the scum of the earth who have broken her heart. I come along and get to know this girl and we get closer and closer but each time I get pushed away by her but i kept up my patience on a vicious rollercoaster that has seen the highest of all highs and some terrible lows. Things have been well lately and suddenly "things arent the same" and I let her make a decision which resulted in "lets just forget about it for the best." crushed i agreed, few days roll by and she wants to see me and misses me. She really plays the game to a tee. Shes immature and jaded but i stuck around for the possibility of something great. Worst part is we share dozens of the same friends and blokes that would consider themselves my 'friends' have got word and already moving in on her.

We are both 22, which seems like the time to fall in and out of love. Finding something to mind your time is honestly the best option. Me I think I may pick up a second job, and avoid the typical hangouts where I will see her.

Its not the end of the world. The feeling you write about I just felt not 24hours ago. Dont bother to be friends with her or keep contact in time it may come. She seems like mine immature and lost in this world of endless confusion. Women really dont know what they want where as we as men know somethings worth and its role. A little time to yourself will be both healing and you may find yourself meeting a new lady. I always feel you find things when your not looking.

Except for transfer window targets #bangin# Best of luck to you.

[jimbonda]

Aug 13, 2012 20:46:20 GMT Kamilo said:

Worst part is we share dozens of the same friends and blokes that would consider themselves my 'friends' have got word and already moving in on her.

yeah i had this problem a couple of years ago. so called mates eh? fuck em.

[Deleted]

Aug 13, 2012 21:19:10 GMT jimbonda said:

Aug 13, 2012 20:46:20 GMT Kamilo said:

Worst part is we share dozens of the same friends and blokes that would consider themselves my 'friends' have got word and already moving in on her.

yeah i had this problem a couple of years ago. so called mates eh? fuck em.

Engaged to my first serious bird, together 5 years, bought a house together, she dumps me out the blue, and a couple of months later she's shagging a mate of mine. Became pretty obvious as the time went on that it had started when we were still together.

Fucking cunts!

Still, such is life mate, and as Jim says, it's also an opportunity. The last realtionship break up I had devastated me for a little while, I did the "Hitting the gym" thing to. Lost weight, felt better about myself, ended up coming to Oz and still here 5 years later and engaged again.

Thing I thought when I was at a pretty low ebb was simple.

"You live close to each other, you will see each other now and again, in pubs, or shops, on the bus, on the street, whatever. You will also see friends of hers. Do you want them to look at you and see a mess? Think about how bad she must have fucked you up to look like this? Or do you want to look good, happy and confident, and have them thinking "Fuck me Daz looks good about himself?"

I put all my effort into the latter. I was determined to show I'd bounced back and make it that if anyone regretted the break up down the line, it would be her, not me. Now this might not apply to you, don't know if you're likely to ever bump into each other at all, but that thinking worked for me.

Don't let a girl ruin your life.

[Bestie]

Aug 12, 2012 23:44:28 GMT Daz said:

Cheers Bestie mate, I appreciate the help and advice, and I feel sorry for you predicament also =/. I know time will help, but right in the cell of it right now, it's hard to accept. However, I still feel no emotion, I just want to talk about it, if you understand?

Again I wouldn't normally seek out and confide with others but I dunno, this got to me. I'm not sure if it's my pride or whatever, but it angers me. It's not right. I've not spoke to her since, I don't plan on.
However, I'm very grateful guys, the bro help has made me feel better. Your help has been unparalleled thank you!

Cheers back pal. Wasn't saying it to jump on your 'emo bandwagon', just thought it'd help if I put my comments in context.

The thing about time and finding stuff to do is fine, and nobody on here has said a single thing I disagree with. If it hasnae hit you properly yet you're probably still a bit numb to it, so it's going to be a right stomach churner when it sinks in. Not exactly words of joy to look forward to so I reckon I'm just saying push through the 'mare of it!

Talking about it helps, definitely. The boys on here are a good bunch too, pretty much to a man, from what little I know of 'em.

[Jayrannasaurus]

I'm genuinely surprised at how fantastic the support structure is on here, I had no idea this would be the case when I initially joined the forum - fantastic stuff lads, good to have a place like this.

Good luck Daz, keep strong mate.

[traffordbrown]

Aug 14, 2012 5:26:24 GMT Jayrannasaurus said:

I'm genuinely surprised at how fantastic the support structure is on here, I had no idea this would be the case when I initially joined the forum - fantastic stuff lads, good to have a place like this.

Good luck Daz, keep strong mate.

True. Top Reds.

Perhaps if the same topic cropped up on a Scouse forum there'd be responses like:

"Where did you say this lass lives mate...?"

[Daz]

That's very true that Jay. I can't thank everyone enough their input and own stories, it's strange how it helps to know other people have been put through the ringer by someone they love. I had no idea how helpful putting a thread here would be, it really shows what cracking lads there are on here.

kamilo, I'm sorry to hear about your trouble too mate! So at least we know there are people feeling the way we feel right now and it's not the end as you say because people come out better the other side! Haha I'm sure like me the transfer window is killing me more than this, I'm sure you'll agree!

dazjoe you made some really great points to use there. The not looking worse off is something that's driving me definitely, I have a lot of pride, it's being tested but I won't be moping around any longer than need be, as I say I've been surprised by my reaction, it's out of character. I'm normally very in control of my emotion and this wouldn't ordinarily get to me. I think it's because the time span we were together, the shit we did together, and she was a major part of my life for a long time but now won't be. I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you too dazjoe mate, but you did it all right and I'm glad to hear you're probably happier now?!

Yeah bestie definitely, right now I feel brilliant and I say touch wood, I think I'm over the worst now. I normally get things out of my system quickly, and start to look at things in perspective and how this situation benefits me instead of impacting me negatively. I'm never normally emotional - only ever with United.

[Busby Boy]

I was in a relationship for five years which broke up recently, was gutted and thought I wouldn't get over it (I had an idea it'd happen for a while) then bang.

I'm fine, go out, get pissed, chill with the lads, meet new women...life's too short to be moping about!

[Daz]

Oh dear, I've broke down =/ thought it had passed. It's killing me how callous she's being. I know it'll get easier but I just don't see it at the moment. sorry to hear that busbyboy, are you happy it ended?

I'm really struggling again now, I've text her and want to call her. It's one of the reasons I made this thread, I've got noone close I can confide in at all. Life is tough back home cos my mum and dad hate each other and I don't wanna show them I'm weak, nor do I want to burden my friends. I feel so pathetic about it all, I'm finding it really tough and I feel really trapped. Lol sorry to bring a downer in the thread

[Kamilo]

I must admit I have a few close friends who have been phenomenal in helping me. Is there anyone of your mates you can talk to, if they are your friend it wont be a burden at all.

I went ahead and deleted her contact. Even if i wanted to text her, i cant now. Its def for the best. If you still feel theres a thread to hang on to give her space dont contact her. Thats one of the best things i have learned. Chin up! Post here as much as you need.

[SAF_Legend]

Aug 14, 2012 14:46:54 GMT Daz said:

Oh dear, I've broke down =/ thought it had passed. It's killing me how callous she's being. I know it'll get easier but I just don't see it at the moment. sorry to hear that busbyboy, are you happy it ended?

I'm really struggling again now, I've text her and want to call her. It's one of the reasons I made this thread, I've got noone close I can confide in at all. Life is tough back home cos my mum and dad hate each other and I don't wanna show them I'm weak, nor do I want to burden my friends. I feel so pathetic about it all, I'm finding it really tough and I feel really trapped. Lol sorry to bring a downer in the thread

Why do you feel so lowly about yourself mate? Don't! You're not weak - you're not pathetic - it's a normal human response. Before you choose to make any decision (re: calling her up for a meet up OR not), you have to shake yourself up and dust yourself down. If you want to cry - cry. Let it all out tonight, tomorrow and let it end there.

Mate, you can feel sad about the situation, but never call yourself pathetic. You're not. Heads up mate.

[traffordbrown]

Aug 14, 2012 14:46:54 GMT Daz said:

Lol sorry to bring a downer in the thread

One thing you NEVER need to do is apologise, Daz. Not necessary. You've done nothing wrong.

[Bestie]

That feeling of it all seeming utterly pathetic is nothing unique mate, never worry about that! I hate feeling so 'cliche' about things, it always seems so Holywood or soap-opera to get up and emotional about stuff like this. At least that's how I view it, can't help it. Maybe if you just sit thorugh enough rom-coms, suddenly you associate actually acting heart-wrenchingly sad over something with immediately thinking it's ridiculous.

[redcase]

Daz, let it all out. All of it. All that repressed emotion. Release it in one fell swoop. Bottling it inside won't help. You breaking down now only paves way for a quicker healing process. All of us here lend you our unwavering support. If we were there, we'd probably take you out and get you smmmashed but hey we play the cards we're dealt.

You must have at least a couple of best mates ? Even the ones who you think you shouldn't burden, if you think they are your really good friends, it is OK to burden them, trust me, good mates don't feel burdened, they love to help. Talking to these mates face to face would help a great deal.

If you'd rather not talk to your mates about it, start that work-out, start that uni assignment, make yourself a nice meal. I am a bit of a gourmet myself, and I found cooking really good healthy food to be very satisfying and gave me that feel good factor you know? Reacquaint yourself with that sport you used to love. Read that book you left half-way. Listen to that album you've been meaning to all these months. Watch that movie you've procrastinated on. Give yourself that boost. Even a nice long wank would do

Its temporary mate, and no need to apologise here. Reds stick together lad.

[jimbonda]

yeah have a good blub mate.

try and resist calling or texting, it can only do harm at this stage. cut off communication.

if a part of you wants to try and work things out with her you can do this in a couple of months. it's not your responsibility to chase it up. remember you've been dealt a blow here and cutting yourself off from her 100% is your right while you get yourself together.

say for example you do just that. no speaky for 2 months. you decide you are in a much better place but still want to talk to her. IF SHE DARES throw it at you that you ignored her for two months or missed your chance or whatever HAVE NONE OF IT!! if she was mature and has her head screwed on then she'd understand you needed your space after getting canned. if not then she's a wrongen and you are better off without.